Life would be so much easier if you definitely knew the person you are dating at the moment is the right one for you. Surely it would save you the trouble of wasting your time and getting your heart broken by all the wrong ones.
But since life is not as straightforward as many of us want it to be, you may need to rely on signs, logic, and intuition to determine whether or not your partner is right for you. If you've had second thoughts about your relationship, experts suggest you've found your soulmate with a few telling signs.
No matter how great your relationship may be, second thoughts can hit you from nowhere. For example, you may be in your relationship for six months and realize that things have already become "too comfortable." If that happens, you may wonder if the sparks might have faded fast for a reason.
But as Annie Wright, LMFT, licensed Evergreen Counseling psychotherapist and owner and clinical director tells Bustle to have second thoughts is very normal.
"Contrary to what Disney's movies, Rom Coms, and most pop songs teach us, love and being with the 'right' partner doesn't always look like fireworks or are totally certain about the other," says Wright. Instead, many of us are going to feel some degree of ambivalence, doubt or have second thoughts. "It's good to know you 're not alone in this, nor does it automatically mean you 're wrong about your relationship," she says.
And if you're at the stage that you're questioning your relationship, according to experts, here are some signs your partner is probably the right one for you.
1. Your companion passes "the test at the airport"
Assume that your second thoughts in fact led you to break up with your other significant one. Imagine then dropping them off at the airport, realizing you 're sending them off and you're never going to see or hear from them again. "Imagine this deeply, and pay attention to the physical sensations in your body," says Wright. Do you feel depressed, distressed and maybe even panicky? Or are you feeling relaxed, pleased or rather ambivalent?
"When we imagine a future that doesn't involve this person, we can gather clues as to how we feel authentically about that person," she says. "Such emotions, coupled with careful self-reflection, time, and focusing on any internal or external factors that may lead to the unhappiness of the relationship, can be effective in helping you work through any concerns and doubts that you may eventually have about the relationship."
2. With your partner, you feel completely safe and secure
When the honeymoon period ends, it's too easy to have second thoughts about your partner and you feel like you know what your partner wants to know. "At some point in a relationship, everyone may wonder if they should settle down or do better," says Samantha Daniels, Samantha's Table Matchmaking Dating Expert and Founder, to Bustle. But if you wholeheartedly trust them and feel completely secure in the relationship, they might be the right one for you. Your relationship may not be as hot or you might no longer see things eye-to - eye, but as long as there's a "solid base of trust," Daniels says they will be the right person for you.
3. You can not find things that go wrong in your relationship
When you have second thoughts about your mate, there might not even be anything to do about them. "Thoughts are things we say to ourselves," says Dr. Danielle Forshee, psychology doctor and licensed social clinician, to Bustle. "Our thoughts reflect our beliefs. Thoughts are things we say to ourselves and strongly influence how we interpret other people's behaviors and our expectations." For example, you might think to yourself, "My partner is no longer putting a ton of effort into romance. Our relationship is declining." But what are some ways your partner puts effort into the relationship?
Making you coffee in the morning might not sound like a romantic gesture, but if your partner were thoughtful like that some people would love it. And if you've just sat down and compared your second thoughts about your relationship with the truth of things and realized that your relationship is really pretty solid, that's a positive sign. It is also necessary to test yourself, as Dr. Forshee states, because your perceptions will not be compatible with the true truth of what is actually happening.
4. You want to focus on the relationship
"There is a natural ebb and flow to relationships, and it's the emotional connection that counts overall," says Daniels. So if you're still willing to get your relationship to last, and you're still seeing a happy future with them, your partner might be "The One." If you're unsure, have a chat with them. "Talk about your fears and concerns, and see if you can work together through things," she says.
5. You don't have to disagree with anyone else
When you find yourself disagreeing with your partner a lot, you may have second thoughts about your relation. But taking a step back is necessary, and really thinking about what these disagreements are all about. "Having disputes with your partner is natural," Caleb Backe, Maple Holistics' health and wellness expert, tells Bustle. "It's only when these turn into serious conflicts or disagreements that you can rethink the status of your relationship." That's why Backe says that one of the "sureest indicators that you're with the right person" is the willingness to agree to disagree and not resent it. "It's not easy to disagree with and keep unconditional love because we are
6. You 're making a great team
It can be fun to compete with your partner and it can also keep their relationship fiery and exciting for some couples. But when you are with the right one, you don't need to fight. "A link is how two separate identities converge into one [stronger] form," says Backe. "It's important to be able to work together with your partner." So if you and your partner are a team and your strengths and weaknesses complement each other, it's a very good sign that your partnership is the right one. That means you are properly prepared to take on whatever life throws your way.
As Dating and Relationship Coach, Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, says to Bustle, "When we don't spend the time and energy to fully know our partner before committing to them we may find ourselves having second thoughts." Planing a future with someone who can't be vulnerable or open up to you is truly difficult. And if your partner is confident with you and they're able to talk to you about anything and all, they may be the right one for you. If your partner's inability to open up is the reason behind your second thoughts, give them some time. "Be careful with each other" says Sedacca.
7. Your partner has no fear of being exposed to you
"Every relationship needs to tweak along the way, so don't give up prematurely. You may be in a healthy relationship that is evolving like you both are."
It's absolutely natural to have second thoughts, again. You can only be worried if, as Daniels says, this keeps you up at night and causes you emotional distress. Your thoughts and expectations can sometimes get the best out of you. But if you can open up to your partner about how you feel, they will do wonders for your relationship by talking things out.